


The (Smart)Ass Alert

by HouseElfMagic



Category: Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four (Comicverse), Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Obliviousness, Snark, Unrequited Crush, enjoy, idiots crushing on each other, mostly Johnny's POV, not really - Freeform, these two are both idiots and i love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 00:32:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10059116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseElfMagic/pseuds/HouseElfMagic
Summary: It wasn’t love at first sight or even anything close to it. To be honest, Johnny hadn’t even given Peter a passing thought for the first dozen or so times he’d seen him. And then Sue dragged him in half-asleep to apologize to Reed for accidentally blowing up one measly invention in a spat with Ben, anddat ass.





	

It wasn’t love at first sight or even anything close to it. To be honest, Johnny hadn’t even given Peter a passing thought for the first dozen or so times he’d seen him. And then Sue dragged him in half-asleep to apologize to Reed for accidentally blowing up one measly invention in a spat with Ben, and _dat ass_.

It’s literally the first thing he notices in his sleep-addled brain, and he’s too asleep to even pretend to be ashamed about that. Johnny will admit: he’s a butt guy, which is nice when you’re a superhero who frequently sees other superheroes in skintight suits. And yeah, maybe it’s kinda shallow, but he’ll look. So what?

He wasn’t expecting one of Reed’s nerdy interns to be the one with the incredible ass though. Because, really? Reed’s interns are usually not hot, like at all. Occasionally a hot one’ll come through, like that Gwen girl, but that’s rare.

But _holy connoli_ (Spidey’s rubbing off on him, dammit--but speaking of nice asses--) _, that ass is fine!_

And then he sees the face attached to that ass and he’s sure he must be drooling. Hopefully he’ll put it down to his being mostly asleep, if he notices, but while he glances once or twice at the intrusion, he doesn’t seem to care whether or not Johnny’s there. Well, Johnny likes a chase every now and again.

Sue doesn’t even notice as she gets momentarily caught up in the science the guy and Reed are doing. And wow, the guy’s smart too? Damn. And then Sue shakes herself out of it and pulls hottie and Reed from their science-y babble and back to the real world. To make Johnny apologize.

Oh yeah, he forgot that’s why he came in the first place. The annoyance returns, tempered only slightly by Hot Guy standing awkwardly in the background and trying to stay out of the family matter. He does notice him roll his eyes when Johnny tries to explain how the fire barely even mattered and they don’t get mad at Ben when he breaks stuff-- _”he literally can’t help it Johnny!--_ so that’s not the best sign, unless it was an amused eye roll? Johnny doesn’t even attempt to make the apology sincere, but Reed accepts it anyway, probably just to get back to science.

And for the cute guy? Hell, Johnny could be convinced to do science for that. Maybe. What were they even talking about, something about unstable molecules and relative gravity? Johnny wasn’t listening.

Sue gives Johnny one last warning (or what she thinks is warning) glare and leaves Johnny with the two scientists. He hovers only for a moment before the pull of his bed drags him from the room.

 

He doesn’t learn Hottie’s name for three more days of blatantly see-through excuses to join the intern in Reed’s lab. It’s Peter, apparently.

 

He and Peter don’t talk much. Frankly, Johnny is a safety hazard waiting to happen in any science lab and he knows it, so Reed is rather reluctant to let him in the lab. For Johnny’s own safety of course.

Reed’s a shitty liar.

What little he does see of Peter is mostly outside the lab in the little kitchenette Sue insisted on having on that floor. Every few hours, if they’re not lost in their own little worlds, Reed sends Peter to get coffee. Poor kid looks like he needs it half the time too.

He gets mostly snippets of conversation as Peter waits on the coffee to boil. Johnny may or may not have put a command in the computer to alert him when Peter entered the little break room. He may or may not also have named it the ( _Smart)Ass Alert_. He’s not the least bit ashamed.

 

Honestly, he doesn’t get to know much about Peter at all until one day when Reed is off gossiping with Tony Stark and forgot to email Peter not to come in. Well, maybe he did email him, but Peter’s phone is really crappy and he can’t check his email on it so he wouldn’t know anyhow. But Reed’s forgetful, so either could be true.

Poor Peter waited in the lab for over an hour without even Johnny’s presence waiting for Reed. Johnny only showed when the _(Smart)Ass Alert_ went off.

Peter had looked even more tired than usual.

“What’s up, buttercup?”

“Hey, Johnny.” Peter replied half-heartedly. “Do you know where Reed is?” And then Johnny figured it out--and had a plan. Kind of.

“Oh! He didn’t say? He went to see Stark. Sue told him to email you.”

“So he’s not gonna be here at all?”

“Probs not. Reed and Stark enjoy geeking out together and fighting too much.”

“Oh, then I should uh--probably go...”

“No!” Johnny said a bit too loudly. “I mean no, you’re already here. You came all the way from what--Queens? I mean you can’t really use the lab equipment without Reed here--or at least I think that rule applies to people who aren’t me--but like, at least it’s some time without Reed hovering over your neck?”

“He doesn’t really hover? We work on a lot of projects mostly independently and share our theories and stuff.”

“Oh. Well, you can... organize your notes?” Johnny finished weakly. The coffee maker gave a high-pitched splutter as the last of the coffee finished pouring in the pot.

“Wait! You haven’t tried the coffee down in the actual kitchen yet, have you? It’s so much better than this crap.” Peter looked down at his mug.

“I already made this so--”

“Nope, nope, you are coming with me, mister. You look like you need coffee anyhow.” Peter winced but acquiesced.

Johnny had less trouble than he’d honestly expected getting Peter to stay at talk. Peter didn’t wear a watch and there wasn’t a clock in the kitchen (Reed had taken it down when a sudden bolt of inspiration hit him that required using the spring holding the batteries in place and one of the inside... thingies). So he didn’t notice the passing of time very much until it had already been a good two hours and Johnny was sure his crush wasn’t gonna go away any time soon.

Brains, looks, and personality. What didn’t Peter have?

Well, except awareness of the fact that Johnny was trying to hit on him. He didn’t seem to have that.

Pity.

 

So what if Peter made his coffee breaks a little longer as he visited with Johnny after that? And so what if Johnny smiled a little wider when Peter laughed at his corny jokes or made a stupid pun. It wasn’t until the third month of knowing Peter that he realized that he might be a tiiiiny bit in over his head. Because his crush? Wasn’t going away. And honestly, Peter’s internship ended in two months and he hadn’t realized Johnny was flirting seriously yet. He bantered back, but he didn’t appear interested. So Johnny decided to call reinforcements after he couldn’t come up with any ideas.

He pulled up his sister’s speed dial and called.

“So I really like this guy, and he’s hot like maybe even more than ME hot, and he’s funny, and he’s smart as hell, and my usual lines aren’t working and Sue what do I doooooo?” There was a pause on the other end before a very _masculine_ voice replied,

“Uh, maybe start with making sure you’re actually talking to your sister?” Johnny yelped and flung the phone away from his ear to check who he had actually called.

Spiderman. Speed dial _number 4_ instead of Sue on speed dial _number 1._ Shit.

“Th-that would be a good place to start, yeah.”

“Nice goin’, flames for brains. Should I hang up now so you can call your sister?”

“Um, maybe not? Like she’ll make fun of me anyhow and I know you will too, so might as well limit the humiliation. So what do I do?”

“You’re asking me? My dating experience has involved a grand total of two girls.”

“Wow. I’m actually impressed. How ugly do you have to be behind that mask to have only landed two girls?”

“Hey! They were both great, thank you. And you’re the one who can’t get the guy you’re apparently pining after. I think if he’s not responding to your pickup lines then maybe he’s just straight?”

“But dat ass! It would be such a waste for humanity for that ass to limit itself like that!”

“Um, I’m not even sure what to say to that.”

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t even say anyth--” Johnny spoke over him.

“So working on the assumption that that’s not an issue... what do I do?”

“Seriously, dude, wrong person to ask.”

“Well what would _you_ do?”

“Pine from afar like the loser I am.”  
“We need to work on your self-esteem issues.”

“Blah blah blah; I can’t hear you over my inner turmoil.”

“And I can barely hear you over-- _are you webslinging_?”

“Yeah, why?”

“While you’re on the phone with me?”

“Yes, and?”

“And you’re not even out of breath.”

“No, why--”

“Totally not fair.” Johnny hung up. Well, that didn’t accomplish much. Time to call Sue.

 

Sue laughed at him, both about Peter and accidentally calling Spiderman. Why couldn’t he have been born with an older brother instead of an older sister?

 

Time passed. Peter’s internship would only last another month before the one Reed got him with Stark would start. And Johnny was _not_ risking losing Peter to Stark Industries forever (he might be being a tad bit dramatic). So he had to make a plan asap.

 

He upped the flirting, but Peter still didn’t seem to catch on. This was just sad. Peter may be a genius, but he wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box.

Finally, he tried the direct approach.

 

“Go on a date with me on Saturday?” Peter nearly spat out his coffee. To be fair, Johnny should have waited until Peter had already swallowed.

“What?” Peter croaked out, eyes wide.

“Oh, come on! I’ve been flirting with you for months!”

“You flirt with anything that moves, Storm. Including yourself.”

“Hey, the clone thing doesn’t--”

“I wasn’t even talking abou-- there was a clone thing?”

“Not the point. Date? Saturday? We can go to a restaurant and make fun of the people that walk by.” Peter still looked like he was reeling from Johnny’s hotness. He’d put down the coffee at least so he wouldn’t spill it.

“You... were being serious, when you were flirting?”

“Yes! I thought that was obvious!” Peter gave him a look.

“Okay, yes, I flirt a lot, but that was persistence! Four months, Peter!”

“The whole four?” Peter’s brain appeared to be turning to mush by this point.

“Yep! I even called Spiderman _and_ Sue about advice.” Peter’s face began turning red and Johnny heard him whisper “oh my _God”_ but he was kind of enjoying Peter’s blushing face. It was adorable how easily flustered he got sometimes.

“So, yes, no, maybe? Gotta gimme an answer here, Pete.”

“S-Saturday, you said?” Johnny beamed. And might have scorched the coffee that he reheated for Peter a tiny bit. Just a tiny bit.

 

Spiderman would surprise him about a month later with a “hey, remember that time you called me about the guy you liked--Peter? Well, I might need a bit of advice now. There’s this guy I really like, and I’m not sure how to tell him that I’m Spiderman...”

 

So Johnny might be just as oblivious as Peter sometimes. They’d laugh about it later.

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd  
> written in like an hour and a half  
> what am I even doing  
> I should be studying for my midterm tomorrow  
> and I wrote this instead
> 
>  
> 
> Comment for the sake of my sanity, thank you


End file.
